Orphan days

Some sympathy, please, for Wednesday.   Poor Wednesday.  A day without a first name. 

Wednesday has two siblings.  day, Thursdayand Sunday.   They also don’t have first  names.   And first names are important at this time of year.  

Their fellow days of the week have been adopted by the commercial and charitable interests who think giving first names to the days of the week will make cash registers go “ka-ching!!” and become stuffed with money.  

(Actually, cash registers don’t go “ka-ching!!” very much anymore, do they?  The only sound involved in many transactions is whatever sound a credit card makes sliding through a slot and the sound the cash drawer makes as it opens and the muted sound of the credit card receipt being printed out.)   Nonetheless, days with first names are considered essential to the success of Missouri’s economy at this time of year. 

“Black” Friday was first.  Then “Small Business” Saturday.  And “Cyber” Monday.  Then “Giving” Tuesday. The Missourinet dutifully reported on the significance ot those days.

But Sunday was ignored in the midst of this celebration of first-name days. We might have mentioned Sunday in our news stories last weekend if it had some catchy first name.  But we, being the media, are only interested in glamorous things, as many in the public assert.  And Sunday was not a celebrity as Friday and Saturday and Monday and Tuesday were.  Give a day a first name and it’s like giving some willowy beauty a figure-emphasizing gown and having her stroll down a runway illuminated by camera flashes. Friday and Saturday and Monday and Tuesday were celebrities. 

But now it’s Wednesday and tomorrow it’s Thursday.  Just the same old blah Wednesday. And blah Thursday.  And blah Sunday. They’re the sisters who are left at home to clean the house and chop the firewood while the others go the palace and dance with the Prince.  

Surely some of the geniuses who make us think that we have to bolt from the Thanksgiving table to get to the big box store on what is becoming the longest shopping day of the year—Black Friday is beginning earlier and earlier on Thursday–can give these orphan days a name that makes them commercially or charitably asignificant, too. 

After all, what incentive is there to shop on those days these days if nobody cares enough to give them first names?  

There must be a hotline somewhere to report Day neglect.

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