A Hymn to Campaign Finance

(sung to a familiar tune)

My uncle is running for office
He’s running against every sin
Except for those that give him dollars.
My God, how the money rolls in.

Rolls in,
Rolls in,
My God how the money rolls rolls in
Rolls in, Rolls in,
My God, how the money rolls in.

Special interests want to buy office-seekers
Who all say they cannot be bought
But they’ll sure want to please their supporters
And they’ll take every dollar they’ve got.

Rolls in,
Rolls in,
My God, how the money rolls in, rolls in.
etc.

Missouri has no campaign limits
And throws proposed limits into a bin
where they all are quickly all forgotten
My God, how the money rolls in.

(chorus)

Campaign donors have extra-deep pockets
the better to put candidates in
Proposals to impose donation limits
are punctured each time with a pin.

(chorus)

Politicians are bemoaning big money
behind all the choices we make.
But put lots of that big money out there
And watch them quickly grab for a rake.

(chorus)

Some want to buy the state constitution
And give it their own special spin
They’ll pay a lot of circulators
And watch as all the names come in.

Come in, Come in
They’ll watch all the names come in, come in.
Come in, Come in,
They watch all the names come in.

(chorus)

Super PACS are new ways to hide donors
who don’t want their names to be known
They finance unverified statements
And give politics a distasteful tone.

Roll in, roll in… etc.

Oh whatever happened to statesmen
who made this country so great?
Now all we have is a bunch of loud talkers
And the country’s in a really bad state.

(the chorus, one last time).

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